She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
