On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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