1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
