Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
