Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You can't just leave with hair like that
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
