There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My balls are so social today.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
