Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
