chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
