sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
