I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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