the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
