id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
