ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
