how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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