new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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