I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My feet surprised me
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