All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
