Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
