So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
