I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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