yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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