I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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