"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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