we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
