I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
