I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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