It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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