i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
