You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
