So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
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