the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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