sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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