omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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