She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
