There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
