ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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