It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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