Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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