I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Life without a bra equals bliss.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
