As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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