Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
