After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
