everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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