We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
