I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
