So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
