Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Blow job season was short but glorious.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
