laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
