I bet he comes in French.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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