the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
