It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
