i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
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Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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