I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
