dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Boobs are out for the taking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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