I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
