I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
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