Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
