whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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