Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
a search helicopter?!
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Randomize
