How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
