It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
