We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
