Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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