He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
