Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
