the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
