If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
