I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
