During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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