He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
